Survivor's Guilt

When I started exploring information available about endometriosis, I was thrilled to discover such a large community of fellow endometriosis sufferers blogging about their experiences, sharing their daily joys and struggles on Twitter and Facebook, and finding myriad ways to support one another online. 

They've provided me with so much practical, real-life information. They've offered positive words and encouragement on days when I haven't been feeling well or am not sure what steps to do next to manage my symptoms. They've opened themselves up to share the most personal aspects of their lives with me and with others.

For this I feel grateful. I feel overwhelmed. 

Sometimes I even feel lucky. 

And this makes me guilty.

Let me explain.

I am lucky. Although I have a chronic illness with no cure and have already undergone a surgery that resulted in the removal of one of my ovaries, I'm still lucky. 

Even though I battle some form of endometriosis symptoms pretty much every day, I'm still lucky. I have days (more of them recently, now that I'm being careful about my diet and mindful of my symptoms) when I feel pretty darn good. When I can even forget for most of the day that I have endometriosis. 

But when I hop on Twitter and see all the women posting about their pain, about how they can't even go to work or leave the house because it's so bad, I feel guilty. I wonder why I am lucky enough to have so many good days when some of my fellow endometriosis warriors have so few.

I was able to conceive and give birth to a healthy, beautiful son without any trouble whatsoever, despite having one ovary and endometriosis. I didn't expect it to be that easy, but it was. 

And yet so many of my fellow endometriosis sisters struggle for months, years even to conceive. Some never do. And when I read about the sadness and the pain (physical and mental) they go through during infertility, I feel guilty. I wonder why I was so lucky when so many other women are not. 

I know I probably shouldn't feel guilty. Lucky, yes. Guilty, no. It's not as if I can do anything to control what other endometriosis sufferers are feeling. It's not as if my actions directly effect them. 

But still, I can't help it. I guess it's almost like having survivor's guilt in a sense.

So I've been trying to figure out what I should be doing or feeling instead. And I've decided this: It's OK to feel lucky, to feel good. On days when I feel good, I'll let the world know that, too. I shouldn't only communicate what I'm feeling when it's negative. Because even when you have endometriosis, there's a lot of positive. No matter what setbacks you might have in life, there's a lot of positive. 

I see other women post about their goods days regularly on Twitter, and their endo sisters are excited and repost those positive Tweets precisely because they are glad to hear that others are feeling good even if they aren't. So what is there to feel guilty about? Even that little bit of happiness, of feel-good energy, might help someone else.

And then, on those days when I don't feel so great, I'll seek out other women who are happy, who are doing well, who are having good days. I'll get a boost, I'll get motivation to go on, from them. 

That's why we're all vocalizing what we're feeling and doing and thinking anyway, right? To help ourselves and to help others. And that's nothing to feel guilty about.

Friday Link Love: Gluten-Free Cooking Blogs

I've always been a voracious reader of cookbooks, cooking blogs, random recipes clipped from newspapers, you name it. I love to try new recipes, from good old home-cooked favorites to rather involved over-the-top creations with way too many ingredients.

Now that I'm adjusting my diet in the hopes of finding some relief from my endometriosis symptoms, rather than feeling stifled and limited in what I can cook, I'm discovering a whole new world of cookbooks and cooking blogs and random recipes from newspapers I might have overlooked before.

Cooking and eating can be a bit more challenging when you ditch gluten or dairy or eggs or whatever it might be you're thinking of eliminating because of endo. It's true. But cooking and eating can also become an adventure, where you're challenged in a good way—to try new ingredients and get creative and become incredibly thoughtful about what it is you're making and consuming.

I didn't really intend to hop on my soapbox before I shared my links this week, but I think I may have just done that. Sorry. It happens to me. Often.

Anyhow. Before I fully committed to eliminating wheat from my diet, I bought the cookbook Gluten-Free Girl and the Chef. I devoured it, not only because it has wonderful recipes but also because the authors tell a really great story, too. Cooking to me is so much better when it's not a chore but an inspiration, a tale unto itself.

Then I started pinning gluten-free recipes I came across on Pinterest.

And I started finding more and more gluten-free cooking blogs to follow. They run the gamut, from the sort that offer easy, on-the-table-fast meals with simple ingredients to those that are rather aspirational, five-star-restaurant-caliber affairs.

One cool thing, too, is that a lot of these gluten-free cooking bloggers are conscientious about not only gluten but also other typical allergens people might be avoiding. The Gluten-Free Girl and the Chef blog regularly recommends non-dairy substitutions for things. And Against the Grain has handy little icons at the top of each post that let you know when a recipe is sans wheat, nuts, dairy, gluten, etc. This can be incredibly helpful for women who are on the endometriosis diet.

If you're looking for some new food ideas, I suggest you check these out.

Gluten-Free Girl and the Chef
Against the Grain
This Gluten-Free Life
Discover Gluten Freedom
Gluten Free Cooking School

What other great gluten-free cooking blogs did I miss?

P.S. The photos are a sampling of the gluten-free recipes I've made recently. I promise to share some of them in detail soon!

Friday Link Love

From time to time, I'd like to share posts from other bloggers that I find interesting, inspiring, or what-have-you.

I thought about making Link Love something I do every week on the same day, but I'm not going to commit to that, because then if I missed a week it would stress me out. And stress is an enemy of an endo sufferer.

This space is supposed to be a source of information and inspiration for you and a bit cathartic for me, so I don't want to go and mess that up with a set schedule. Still, on occasion I'll throw a few links your way in case you're so inclined to explore them.

Here's what resonated with me today ... 

Endometriosis and learning your levels of pain - from EndoHope

Coming Out of the Disease Closet - The Challenges of a Chronic Illness - from Hormones Matter

And a little bit of yummy ... Vegan, gluten-free apple tart (it looks absolutely divine) - from A House in the Hills

Happy Friday!

Endo Blogs

Almost every day I come across another wonderful blog written by a fellow endometriosis sufferer.

These blogs run the gamut—exploring scientific research, sharing personal stories, focusing specifically on topics ranging from infertility to natural endo treatments to food and nutrition—but all of them offer something extraordinary: a peek into the life of a woman with endometriosis, a sense of community, hope.

I've started to add some of the blogs I follow most to my blog roll (at right). I hope you'll explore some of these blogs, too. Some you're probably already familiar with; others might be new to you.

What other blogs or websites about endo do you regularly follow that I missed? Please leave a comment and let me know. I'm always searching for new ones to add to my feed reader and my blog list.